The Stress of Forgiving Yourself and Others

At some point in our lives, all of us have been wronged by another person and felt hurt, angry or stressed. This is a natural reaction and part of being human. However, if we do not resolve or come to terms with these hurts, they drive our actions and create a negative way of life. By harboring past hurts, we have the potential to do far more harm to ourselves than anyone else can possibly do.

                                                                                               

                “All illness is caused by not forgiving.”

                                – Native American belief

Forgiving others – or yourself – does not mean forgetting or condoning what happened, or giving up the values that were violated or assuming you are at fault; nor is it condemning the other person or seeking justice or compensation. Forgiveness can be viewed as foregoing the resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer’s action deserves it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not seem to deserve them. To release the shackles of the past, we must be willing to forgive.

Forgiveness is about creating a state “for giving” – both to self and others – and excusing a mistake or an offense and letting go of the associated hurt, anxiety, anger or resentment. Because forgiveness has the greatest benefit to the person doing the forgiving, it is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself.

Forgiving allows us to get on with our lives and to open up our minds and hearts to new ways of seeing others, the world and ourselves. It releases energy that can be used for other, more productive thoughts and actions.

Forgiving yourself and others can be the greatest anti-anxiety pill that you can give yourself. If you ever want to live a stress free and positive life you have to practice the natural remedies of forgiveness. Simple minded people often sicken themselves pondering negative and destructive attitudes towards others, over things that are not very important to begin with. By harboring past hurts, we have the potential to do far more harm to ourselves than anyone else can possibly do.

So, the next time you are tempted to carry on a grudge for months and years on in give thought to the possibilities that presents itself if you are willing to create a state of “for giving” and enjoy your life with freedom of stress from not forgiving someone.

Take this path to great mental and physical health, you want be sorry.

Never Have a Fear of Anxiety or Success

Many people never set any goals because of a phenomenon known as "fear of failure" . They are paralyzed by the fear and anxiety of not succeeding. However, another major fear that is even more widespread and probably has stopped you from achieving your goals and it's often overlooked. In fact you may not even know you have it. It is the state known as "fear of success".

It is well documented that many people fail to achieve their goals in life due to the phenomenon known as "fear of failure" but are you aware that a major factor that is often overlooked, is a state known as "fear of success"?

Fear of failure will lead many people into inertia - the inability to make decision or take action in case they receive rejection or negative outcomes. This mental state is fairly easy to identify and there are many tools in the personal development industry to help combat this plague and reprogram the mind for success. However, the fear of success is much more subtle, harder to spot and also harder to eradicate.

Perhaps you have this tendency in your life. Here are some indications of a fear of success mentality.

Studying and trying to implement self-improvement techniques and/or personal development tools but your life does not improve or may even get worse as you try to cure yourself by these natural remedies.

You settle for less than you feel you deserve or are capable of achieving.

You start new projects full of enthusiasm and optimism but wane in your efforts or stop short before you have completed them.

You expect things to go wrong no matter how well the situation appears to be at the moment.

Can you identify your own simple fearful patterns in any of the above statements?

The fear of success can also make you behave in ways that hold you back. Look at the list below. These are the symptoms of the fear of success.

Procrastination - putting off what needs to be done or not doing what you know will bring you closer to your desired result. Everyone suffers from this inner 'demon' at some point in their lives (although some of us suffer from it more than others!).

Procrastination is a 'success killer'! How can you expect to reach your destination if you do not take steps towards it? This killer can cause so much stress in your life that you can become paralyzed. Strive to do little things each day that will bring you small steps closer to your goal. This is why having a personal development plan is an essential ingredient in the fight against procrastination. Take action! Any action! Refine your steps as you go along but do not sit and do nothing. Taking action is one of the key aspects in personal development.

Can't see the forest for the trees! - this is almost the opposite of procrastination but has the same effect on your personal development. The aforementioned saying is well known but have you ever given it real consideration?

Don't get caught up in your plan believing that it is more important than the materialized goal! For many years I got caught in this trap. I started to think and act as though my plan was more important than my end result and thus missed many opportunities to alter my path and reach my goals more quickly! Let go of your ego and allow the Universe to show you a quicker route to your goal. Remain flexible.

Thinking that the time is not right - have you ever waited until the timing was perfect before starting a venture? Have you ever waited until you had more information on a better plan?

Again ACTION is the key to the door to success. Taking small steps forward are better than taking none or waiting to see if your foot is landing on the right spot! Even if your actions take you away from your goal you have at least gained insight and knowledge about what does not work!

Being a perfectionist - this is similar to the point above and has the same effect, namely, that you never really move forward. No matter how good a job is when it’s finished it can always be improved! I have heard many great musicians tell how they hate listening to their own songs because they can find a million things that need improvement. Yet, we still enjoy them. I think a classic example of this is "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Paul Simon. This song is hauntingly beautiful yet Mr. Simon does not think it’s good enough!

Seeing only problems - how do you use your focus? Do you constantly see only and all the problems involved? If you are this way inclined it is pointless trying to change overnight! However, you can use this mindset to your advantage while you strive in your personal development to acquire an opportunistic frame of mind instead.

"How can you use seeing only problems to my advantage?" you say. "Easily", is my reply! Look at the problems and prepare a plan to deal with them. Every time you overcome one congratulate yourself. Use them as a gauge for your achievements. If you keep seeing more problems remind yourself of how well you dealt with the others. Look at how far you have come! If you see a problem ask yourself, "how best can I overcome this challenge"? or "how quickly can I rectify this situation"? The quality of your questions are important as I have outlined in a previous article. Use the problems as fact finders. Is there a real problem now? If so then deal with it. Is it a potential problem? If so then create a contingency plan in case it does occur but don't get caught up in it just be prepared.

Enjoy the journey, follow the above guidelines and you will achieve success. Eventually stress will dissipate and your fear of success will dissolve and you will have moved a long way forward in your personal development.

Reduce Stress By Exercising

It is easy to let stress take over your life.  From career to family to health to money to any and everything in between, most people feel like there simply isn’t enough time in a day to get everything done.  Stress is bad enough in and of itself, but stress can also cause real physical and emotional harm if it is allowed to go unchecked.  There are many drugs that are designed to reduce stress, but is putting extra drugs and chemicals in your system really the best way to balance things out?  There is a better way to reduce stress in your life.

One of the best and most tried and true ways for reducing stress is through meditation.  Though it may sound intimidating, meditation has occurred in every culture in one form or another through out history.  The following steps will help you learn to clear your mind and relax, and you will be amazed at how the stress seems to just melt away!

Begin each relaxation time by reducing distractions, noise, and interruptions.  Give yourself the time and privacy you need.  Find a comfortable sitting position, wear loose and comfortable clothing.  Relax and take several deep breathes.  Close your eyes and try to mentally focus on one peaceful word, thought, or image.  If there is a picture, a memory, anything that tends to calm you, try to picture that.  For some people it’s the sound of the ocean, for others waterfalls, and for yet others, the memory of staring off a mountain peak.  Clear your head, and let your muscles loosen up, don’t worry about what is going on around you.  Relax and enjoy the peace that your image brings to you.

 

When you feel yourself drifting away from the image, don’t force it to stay.  This is a good time to stop.  Stretch and exhale deeply as you wrap up.  This is the most initial and basic form of meditation.  While it would work in and of itself to reduce stress, this is also the basis for several other exercises and meditations.  When you choose to push on, you will always want to start with this basic meditation and relaxation.  As you go into further exercises, concentrate on whatever phrases help you relax.  “Nice and easy,” is a good generic one, while Christian meditation may use a scripture such as “Be still, and know I am the Lord.”  There are meditative scriptures for almost any faith, and plenty of non-religious phrases, chants, or incantations.  Find the phrase that works for you, and look around for other exercises.  Meditation is a great way to relax, and will do more to improve your health and reduce stress than any drug, and the only side effect is a calmer healthier life as a result of your improved mood!